just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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