I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
