I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
