You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize