Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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