I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
