I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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