Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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