Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
