k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
