I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
