How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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