Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
