meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
