Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize