filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
