I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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