Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
