WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
