Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
