after a month anything with tits is on the radar
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
