my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize