someone get that fucking seahorse.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
