Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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