I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
