I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
