i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
