if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
