is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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