No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
