i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
