i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
