he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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