Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
