1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
