did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
