Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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