I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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