Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
