Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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