After last night, I could never be a politician.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
