my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
