She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
