i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
