Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
