Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize