How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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