Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
