He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize