Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
