After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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