We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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