The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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