Michael Bay diarrhea
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
