i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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