The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
