I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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