I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
