can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
