I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
