Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
