Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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