OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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