its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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