Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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