Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
