if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize