Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
