dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
