Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
