Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
