I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
