i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
