You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
