escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
