Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
