omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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