i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
