I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
