Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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