South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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