so let's talk penis.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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