i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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