You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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