well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
