I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
