I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
