when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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