I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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