hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
