I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
