Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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