i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize