I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize