That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
