Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
