plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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