kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
