Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
